"What someone says about you, tells you more about them, than it does about you."
Dr. Peebles has said through me for decades, "What someone says about you, tells you more about them, than it does about you." The first time that I heard this, I was befuddled. I thought that if someone told me I was ugly, then I was ugly, and I had to do something to rectify this so that the world would accept me. And, if I couldn't change this about myself, I would always be an unloveable loser. (Yes, this did happen.) By putting so much credence into what someone told me about myself, I would always end up feeling like a failure. I always fell short of the world's expectations of me. How would I ever be enough for the world?
The first time I spoke to Dr. Peebles through Trance Medium, Thomas Jacobson, in 1988, he said, "Summer, what the world wants from you, is YOU." What? Was he saying that I was enough as I was? Did he mean that the extra pounds on my belly didn't matter? Did he mean that if I was happy, sad, angry, or compassionate...it didn't matter? What the world really wanted from me was the authentic me in any given moment?
After more than 25 years of work and study with Dr. Peebles, I will say this: YUP. That's what he meant. I am enough as I am, in any given moment. And, what someone says about me, tells me more about them than it does about me. The person who told me that I was ugly, perhaps really believed that from his perspective. More likely, he was really telling me that he was frustrated that he couldn't manage to attract a fashion model, and that this had caused him to have low self-esteem. (And, I find it interesting how ugly he looked to me in that moment, with his face all screwed up anger and disgust. Ha!)
As a Trance Medium, I've had all kinds of judgement thrown at me, such as being told that if I think I'm so spiritual, then I shouldn't drink coffee because it's cursed, or that cheese somehow magically interferes with being a clear channel, so I shouldn't eat cheese. In the past, I would have taken this to heart, thinking that something was wrong with me because I had disappointed this one person out of a roomful of people who believed in me. It's kind of like having a teeny tiny pimple on your face, and suddenly that's all you can see in the mirror, instead your beautiful sparkling blue eyes, and gorgeous smile.
After years of studying Dr. Peebles' words, I now just hear these things and say, "Really? Thank you for sharing your perspective," and I don't take it on. This even translates into some of the tougher moments where I've been accused of even worse things, such as not listening, or not caring, or any number of accusations which I don't believe about myself. If someone tells me, "I'm not listening," the person is telling me that they don't feel heard. It doesn't mean that I'm not listening, it just means I'm not responding the way that they would like for me to, and that's okay.
It's really peaceful when you can learn to not take life so personally. People have opinions and perspectives of all kinds, many of which we may not like or believe ourselves. But, what they say tells you more about them than it does about you. Only you and God know who you are. If you're in integrity with yourself and with God, then all of the judgements external to you really won't matter so much. There won't be a need to push back. You can respond gently rather than react with anger, denial, or fear.
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